Void

Insomnia. Darkness. Pain.

The pain? Not physical. Not something you can pinpoint and actually describe. It is just there, aching you. You feel it but you can't describe it. You don't even know how to get rid of it. It just lingers.

The darkness? Worse. Feels like you're in a void. A black void. With the darkness so heavy you can't even feel yourself. You can't see. You're just there, frightened, hoping to see the light. It hurts.

The insomnia? Makes you crazy. You finish up for the night, lay in bed, whisper “goodnight”, and close your eyes hoping to dream of princes and knights. But you can't. You become restless, you cannot sleep. You feel troubled, you need that sleep but it just doesn't seem to come. You show up in the morning with designer bags under your eyes.

Nothing excites you anymore. Nothing.

Not even your favorite food or your favorite show. Not your books, nor your friends. Now, speaking of friends, you expect them to get the hint that you are not okay, that you have not checked in on them for more than twenty-four hours, that they have not seen your updates. But they don't seem to remember you.

You try to write but you just can't move your fingers. Tried to pray but your mind doesn't seem to focus. You just lay there, staring at the ceiling, hoping to break out of these shackles.

You feel forlorn, abandoned, invisible, irrelevant. You could not even talk to your family because you don't want them to think that there is really something bad happening to you. You don't want to scare them.

One ‘friend’ finally checked in, dismissing it as “mood swings” but you don't think so. How can this… this insane feeling be mood swings? How come the mood isn't swinging to a good one?

You feel exhausted, drained.

You need help.